I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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