I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize