Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
