She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
