What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
