I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
