I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
