after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
