He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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