He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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