I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
