I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
