Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
