In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
