U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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