OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
