I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
