new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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