things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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