I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ruined the universe
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
