I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
