I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
