Only a mothe r could love this liver
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
