hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
