What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
