Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
