Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
