Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
