is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
