what day is it and did you see me today?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
