I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize