in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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