My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
