so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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