You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
