yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
