The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
