u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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