ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize