I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
