wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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