Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
