I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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