I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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