yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
