Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
