i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its not stalking. its research.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
