the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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