Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
