I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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