this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
