my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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