i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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