Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
do nipples grow back?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
