i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
