well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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