I have demons in me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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