its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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