If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize