Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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