i already hear my dad disowning me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
