when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
