She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
