so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Quick, to the slutcave!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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