so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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