And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
