I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
