To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
