What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need a burrito and a hug.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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