Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
