FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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