benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
