I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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