I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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