im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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