those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
