Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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