It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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