I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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