After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
