All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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