just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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