I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize