She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
