I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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