it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
