An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i believe in u and ur pee
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
