I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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