hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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