whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
