I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
