Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
