my phone needs a breathalizer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
