ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
