but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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