Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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