I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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