I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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