Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
