My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
