dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
