you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
