Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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